Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Mercy Living.........

I'm ready. I'm ready to give myself to boldness. I've held back far too long. I've been scared to be the real Sarah far too long. I grieve the years lost, yet the I'm going to choose to be redeemed and move forward. I'm going to choose today to be different than yesterday. 
I'm tired of being a blog stalker and holding back my own thoughts, feelings, prayers and dreams. I want myself to be real.  Truly authentic. My old blog www.theglamazonjungle.blogspot.com  that was the younger Sarah. Am I saying I won't be like showing you my greatest new recipe or pictures of my beautiful family. No, I am not saying that. What I am saying is, I'll write posts as long as God writes them with me. I know most people don't want some crazy serious chic writing about all her "God Stuff" like she is has turned into a big "Jesus Freak". Well, I hope you all call me that, it would be an honor actually. I would not be surviving today without Him. So, maybe I'll go into this journey with no expectations other than getting my heart out there, showing people that authenticity sets you free. I want to be a free?  I have not met a person that wants to be bound. I'm such a sinner. Actually let's start there. 

Y'all I am bad. This year with all God has brought me through I have grown in exponential ways, however, after the loss of those sweet babies and the keeping power of my God I have found sin in ways that I never had seen before. Since the "unraveling" of my life last year and kissing those sweet little babies good bye I have found the more unraveled I become the more clear my awful, nasty sin is. Lordy, I wish I could write like Ann Voskamp. That girl can write, like write in a pretty way that makes you want to sit in a mink blanket and drink tea and just rest in His presence. My writing is more like sitting in an empty barn wrapped in burlap. But, I'll just be me...God loves me the way I am I'm sure I can do things Ann can't, probably not, but maybe.
I have grieved this year the reality of sin. I feel like I am a 10 year old that just found out Santa was not real. Sin for me had never been a reality, like really a reality. I feel behind. I have lived a more pure life. I am not saying I am perfect and have done everything right. What I can tell you that I did play with Barbies till I was 14, I did not have a real boyfriend till college and so continues the pattern into adult life, everything a bit behind therefore some of my realities have come later in life. I don't regret this, I think it was God's keeping power over my life that saved me from lots of pain and I am thankful for that. I think favor and honor came from these choices as well. So, if your a young reader. Honey, listen to me there is NOTHING the world has to offer in terms of sin that is more exciting, more risky than choosing life with Christ. You won't be sorry. I promise.  You will actually be blessed. If you have a different story and you feel like you have made all the wrong choices and failed so much its hard to see through the pain, the same goes for you. That is Mercy Living. That is the way of a heavenly Father who says, if you choose Him your sin is as far as the east is from the west. Just go to Him. He will make all things new when you think you have just sinned too much. Maybe you feel like you just sowed your wild oats and your onto better living and never really acknowledged that old sin and bad choices. Well, your the only one you can go there.
Back to my journey this year. I have found myself wanting to buy the lies of that evil ones who throws those darts we hear about in Ephesians 6. I have found Him to be ridiculously cunning, almost charming, boldly inviting. I am not sure why this was such an eye opener to me this year, my 32cnd year and I am just now seeing the truth that He is really is the Father of Lies and He really does want to kill me.  
I kept saying to people last year after my babies, its as though I have been sitting in the very mercy seat of God. What is Mercy?


Mer·cy  (mûrs)
n. pl. mer·cies
1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.
4. Alleviation of distress; relief: Taking in the refugees was an act of mercy.

Everything about that definition I have experienced this past year. EVERYTHING.

Y'all seriously how in the world could we live without the mercy of God? He has such a plan. Even through the pain and disappointment. I have found that His mercies are really are new every morning. 


Watching a friend deliver a healthy baby and REALLY being happy for her gift.....MERCY 

Seeing a set of twin boys and SMILING from ear to ear because I was give that gift with a different end...MERCY

Going to a baby shower and seeing the beautiful tiny things passed around and truly rejoicing with her in her coming gift...MERCY

Being assured that though the two pink lines did not come again this month...He has a plan, a bigger better one...MERCY

Spending my days alone thinking of what "I would have been doing" had God chosen to let me keep them and still getting up and KNOWING HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT...... MERCY

Maybe for you its......

Seeing someone get the promotion you wanted and being able to congratulate them and know God has a plan.... MERCY

Losing everything and still seeing that God won't leave you and is your ultimate provider.... MERCY 

Loving a child and forgiving them when they have turned from Him and dishonored you....MERCY

Receiving a bad report from the Dr. and still knowing and believing that He loves you as much as the other.... MERCY


Y'all what I have found is that this mercy that He so freely gives to His children is a way of LIVING. Hence, the only way I'll ever be able to live. Because I know it works. Its like a daily dose of life giving substance. It transforms us when we really accept it. Its undoes us when we really acknowledge the power of the God and the gift of MERCY He longs to give it to His people. 

But, for that very reason I was shown MERCY so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his UNLIMITED patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. 
I Timothy 1:16




These were my little baby feet that represent the pure Mercy of a God who loves me. 
Choose His Mercy Today. Give Mercy Today.

I love you all!!!!



2 comments:

  1. Maybe you aren't Ann V...but you are a precious child of His...a Jesus Freak :), and an incredible woman who just said words that made me seek His mercy even more. Thank you from the bottom of my mercy seeking heart...Nonny

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  2. Sarah, I just read this post. You are such a blessing! I love Ann Voskamp, and also think about how much I'd love to write as she does. She DOES live the farm life, all stinky hog smells and manure. You are a beautiful person, Sarah, and inspire so many with your exuberance and zest for life. There have been times in my life where I have wished I could be like Sarah. Hugs to you!

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